in all honesty..
It's day 3 of the 6 week school holiday for our little D. We are just at the start of the summer period, so we have a lot of time in front of us before school starts again. And every year it's the time of year I dread the most...
I don't know how the summer is for other people, but for me it's the hardest time of the year. Being chronically ill, I need quite some time next to my work, to 'restore' my body so that it is able to sort of function like a half normal person ;) That's why I have 4 days off and I work 3 days every week. I need those days to recover.
School holiday means, that 3 of my 4 recovery days are now filled with D being home. In principle this is lovely! More time with my daughter is always something I enjoy. But it is also asking a lot more of my body.
I've created a routine over the years that is sort of focussed on getting my body back to work again after my workweek. That means a lot of walking every week. I try to go outside at least 3 mornings to get my body moving. And doing house chores are also divided over these 3 days. The best thing about these 3 days, is that I can move around chores and things I have to do. So if I have a day that my body is worse than usual, I can just move something to tomorrow. I can arrange it however it's needed for my body.
So coming back to why I dread this time of year... It's just day 3 and I'm already going down in the health department. I can feel my body stiffening up, because I wasn't able to go on my walks in the mornings. We've been inside a bit more because it's 30 degrees outside. So a lot less moving in general. This is causing more pain, and after some days it gets harder and harder to be fully present and do things with D. The metaphorical bucket is emptying and there's less things now to fill it up again.
I'm trying to accept that it is what it is the coming 6 weeks. That it means trying to rest more in the evenings and putting my creative things a bit more on the side for now. In the evening my brain is smooshed and I'm so tired I can't produce anything anyway. I'm doing my best to take care of myself... but it feels hard sometimes.
Just 15 more days, just 15 more days... is my mantra right now. Although I don't think it's helping me a lot :') Let's see if we can plan a small family vacation still. Then I have 12 days left ;)