about getting older and ugh
Just a blog to get some thoughts out of my head. Things I've been thinking about for some time. And changes I've been noticing.
This blog post has been sitting in my concepts for some weeks now... because I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it. But after some thought I came to the conclusion: why not? There are so many women in the world. So many of them suffering monthly with things like this. And I'm glad to see that more women are talking about it. That it's more visible than it was 10 years ago. That's how it should be, I think! So here goes...
So, I was always a little different growing up. To sum it up and not bore you with a thousand examples, I was the 'hyper on the inside', impulsive alternative kid. Different in many ways ; )
Right after my pregnancy, as a fresh mother, I discovered that the chance I might have ad(h)d was very plausible. The change into motherhood is probably an adjustment for everyone. But I could see, feel and hear that it was more challenging for me than anyone around me. I felt lost and had to reinvent everything in order to stay afloat.
Now even more time has passed - roughly 5 years - and I am starting to notice more changes. It feels like I have a new mountain to climb. New adjustments to make. I've been writing down all changes every week and have been noticing a pattern. Every 3rd week of my cycle I turn into... I don't know what, but not myself. And it's getting worse every time. It feels like my head is taken over for 1 (sometimes 2) weeks every month. I struggle with high frustration and angriness, low tolerance for things and low mood and energy.
I read a lot about perimenopause last year. Because I feel like I'm slowly gliding into it. Things are gradually changing and the impact of it is getting more noticeable. Apparently this time in a woman's life is filled with more severe problems for someone with adhd. Time to read up on that some more... And in the meantime I'm trying to hold it together. Taking advantage of that first week of the cycle where I feel myself, on top of the world and full of energy and ideas. And the other weeks, trying to accept that life is sometimes a bit darker and that I have to slow down a gear.